Sweetheart,

On February 1, 2017 I lost you to cancer.

In an instant our plans for a lifetime together with family and friends had completely washed away. For the first time I looked for you and no one was there. I had lost my best friend and soul mate.  It was the worst day of my life.

I took a voyage of a thousand tears and felt withered. What do I do now? I was at odds with the world. I was trapped within myself. I tried not to notice but life wouldn’t stand still. It kept circling and bumping me like a small child running in the playground. I couldn’t think. I was in anguish and nothing was helping. What was the point of carrying on, I wondered? Gradually I realized a small miracle had happened, and I received my answer. Time changed everything.

Healing was painfully slow but then  I started feeling better. And better.  After a while I discovered I could open my eyes, feel the bright sunlight and take a breath of life once more. Now I am different. I have started a new chapter without you. I have chosen to love again. People you have never met call me friend. I no longer shy away from being happy and trusting. I take pride in learning and practising our shared compassion for all living things.

Sometimes I reach back to a time when you were there smiling, laughing and looking back at me. Like now.

I will never forget you, My Love,

Johnny